Starset | Issue #1

Welcome to the 16 new sheep!

This is a test run of my first-ever issue and you are part of the first 100 subscribers!

As a token of my appreciation you get a big kiss on your forehead. Mouah.

Anyway, I’d like to create an inner circle of 100 people (I might reduce the number in the future).

That means:

But I’m not looking for spectators.

I want mini co-creators: serious practicing Catholics who want to see this grow.

I’d like to build something big that reaches thousands of young adults. If God wills it, it will happen. But this is only possible if the first 100, like you, are actually invested.

In short, you will be with me throughout the journey. So, I’d like to know you a bit more.

Who knows, we might be praying for each other, sharing our life experiences, meeting at in-person retreats (??), and eventually marry each other (kidding lol).

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In this issue we’re discussing what kind of love men CRAVE, a lil bit about beauty, and the visionaries of Medjugorje.

Before we begin… a big thank you to this week’s sponsor.

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Advice to women: Men long to be respected, and that is how they feel loved.

While science doesn’t claim it as a universal law, psychology, Scripture, theology, anthropology, sociology, and experience all point toward the same reality: most men feel loved when they are respected. In fact, they long for respect.

So much of what they do around women is to be seen as competent champs.

Okay… not like that. But they experience love primarily through admiration, trust, and confidence in their abilities.

Scripture mentions this difference: “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)

Research also supports this truth:

The Bible frames the man-woman relationship symbolically:

The first biblical way the man earns his respect is by being capable of protecting you and the children. We know in Genesis that Adam was formed from dust outside of the Garden of Eden. Adam was then brought from the wildness and potential chaos into this inner space. In Genesis 2:15, Adam is charged to guard this garden: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to till it and keep it.” “Keep” (Hebrew shamar) means to guard or watch over. Since Eve was later formed inside of the garden, Adam’s first charge was protection; protection of creation, and by extension, of Eve’s space and dignity within it.

Men have a second important preoccupation: they are running around finding ways to provide. They want to build a proper home their future wives can be invited into. In Genesis 2:21-24, Adam first tends and orders the Garden, and only then does God bring Eve to him. Your man wants you to rest in his ability to provide. And from that stems the desire to be the primary breadwinner, tirelessly working for you and your children. A 2023 study from UBS shows that less than half of women said they prefer the breadwinner role, compared to 87 percent of men who are primary earners. That is why men pay for dates. Doing otherwise would directly undermine their ability, role, and responsibility, to provide.

And thirdly, Adam is tasked to bring order to creation through naming (a symbolic act of stewardship). And, later after the Fall (Genesis 3:9-12), God calls first to Adam: “Where are you?” even though Eve was the first to eat the forbidden fruit. God addresses Adam because he was the head accountable for the moral order of their union. Your man is the domestic priest interceding on behalf of your family before God (1 Corinthians 11:3).

And here’s the truth: a man who is being loved but disrespected in the above 3 areas will still feel miserable. A woman who only loves her man but does not respect him is akin to a mother-son relationship. You can see why he doesn’t want that distorted dynamic:

It is stripped of the masculine dignity he longs to live out.

Why? Because his mission and identity is to be the head of the family, as God designed him to be (Eph 5:23). And this gives his life meaning and purpose which keep him feeling alive and driven.

But why are we so hesitant of giving men their rightful title? We quickly rush to follow up with “Yes, but being the head means that he must serve…” But wait a second. True, the husband leads by stooping down on his knee to wash his bride’s feet (John 13:1-17). Yes, he must open his arms out on a cross, every day. True, he is not in a position of dominion (authority for one’s own benefit) but of service (sacrificial leadership for the good of others; Ephesians 5:25). Yet before we rush out of fear to define his duties, have we paused long enough to honor and acknowledge his headship?

Yes, countless men have disowned the meaning of headship, distorting leadership into control. Countless men have abused their role and have hurt women. Yet the abuse of something sacred does not erase its sacredness. So let us not diminish the weight and responsibility of his title.

A lack of respect is neither good for you nor for him. When a wife competes against her husband, she tries to usurp his role and makes him feel unnecessary. She wounds his sense of mission and undermines the unity of their call. A disrespected man slowly shuts down, not out of malice, but pain. He withdraws his heart from the very woman who is meant to call it forth.

He goes from this:

To this:

As a woman, ask yourself: will you let culture or Scripture light the path of your femininity? Why is it that God calls the first wife (Eve) to “help”? Why does He call all brides to submit? And where is one’s humility in all that? “Yes, but I’ll only submit to a man who’s worthy of it.” Your worry is understandable. Yet only Christ is truly worthy, and He still calls you to this order…

Observe any organization and you’ll see that without a head, the body falls into chaos. Marriage is not a football game where husband and wife compete for yardage. “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” (Mark 3:25-27) Two heads don’t lead, they collide. True headship is not about power but about carrying the burden of the team’s victory or defeat.

This is not to say you should follow your husband even when he leads you to sin! Never! Nor is this to say that he shall not consult you and heed to your heart. But after a little examination of conscience, can you say with certainty that you’ve fully lived your part of the call and are “truly worthy” of him?

Who is Mary, the Mother of God, perfect model of femininity and womanhood, that she humbled herself and submitted to Joseph’s leadership?

Submission is not a position of lesser dignity. The Blessed Virgin is not less glorious than St. Joseph. In fact, the Church teaches that she holds a greater degree of glory than him. Her humble obedience to a man, who in turn ought to be fully obedient to God, reveals a great (if not greater) interior strength. Mary gains distinct glory in the eyes of God, and her obedience particularly benefits her soul in the virtue of humility; this virtue being among the highest fruits marriage is meant to cultivate.

Another temptation is to think that the leader is the most worthy of dignity or moral superiority. But that is not true. We often measure worth by worldly standards i.e. rank, recognition, promotion, yet Christ overturned that logic. Peter was chosen as the first Pope, the head of the Church, but it was John who remained at the foot of the Cross. Was Peter more worthy than John?

Leadership and submission; headship and receptivity; are complementary strengths. But the moral difficulty of each is different. The man’s challenge is to love sacrificially; to die to himself in service. The woman’s challenge is to trust and entrust; to surrender freely without control or coercion. There is no hierarchy of worth here but simply two sides of a same coin.

ANYWAYS, writing this took much longer than expected. SO, to conclude, to wrap up, or whatever connectors I should use here… In time, you may come to respect your husband more deeply for the strength it takes for a man to lead with conviction, to stand firm when it’s unpopular, to shoulder the weight of his family’s welfare before God, as a protector, provider, and domestic priest. He’s not soft. He doesn’t cave to pressure or chase affirmation. He does not choose what is easy over what is right. He consults and listens to you, truly, but he knows the final responsibility rests on him (and thus the consequences of his decisions). This is not domination but sacrificial headship.

And this is a man who does not simply look to be loved, but to be primarily respected.

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